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Balls of Steel Episode 15: Max Goof vs The Troll Master: The Final Showdown
“For the last 39 days, fifteen members of TDRPW went at it in an all-out war of creating and breaking alliances, brutal challenges, and harsh outdoor living, all for the price of one MILLION dollars! Since then, thirteen have perished, and now it comes down to only two contestants: ChunkyChipackers, aka “Chip”, the Troll Master and carrier of over a bunch of dozen sock accounts. Chip has manipulated and showed he wasn’t afraid to play dirty to get to the end, showing how mad a million big ones can make a person. That, and he’s also Jewish…. But will Chip have what it takes to defeat his only remaining obstacle? That’s where his fellow finalist comes into play: Teamdarkfan4, aka “Dark”, the man who refers to himself as Max Goof, and is therefore too Max Goof to do things he doesn’t feel like doing. Dark has played this game very quietly, but don’t let his mystique fool ya. Dark has shown he is the ultimate underdog to win, but will he be able to take down the season’s villain: Chip? None of this we will be able to know for sure until after the episode is over. So for the final time, enjoy this spectacular, ball-busting(Yeah, you know that one was coming) finale of Balls! Of! Steel!” (Intro plays) (Merge Camp- Day 40) Chip: Can’t believe this is it. Final two. Dark: Yep. Chip: By the way, I only took you to the end because you are gonna be easier to beat in the finals, right? So enjoy this while you can, cus after I win this is the closest thing you’ll ever feel to glory. :) Dark: Boi, I know why you took me to the end. Max Goof ain’t dumb. Besides, I’ll just leave you underestimating me. Because when I take the million dollars home your face is gonna be priceless. Chip: Pfft, as if! Whatever helps you sleep at night, I guess. *rolls eyes* Just be warned that you’re gonna have to prepare to get beaten. Dark: Same to you, boi! Chip: Um, I’m not your “boi”. Dark: Ok, ham! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chip: *In Confessional* Finally, after getting rid of thirteen pieces of garbage, I can finally get my hands on that million dollars! I just have to push that pathetic ball of dust called Dark to the curb and I’m golden! Then TDRPW will be all mine! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! >:D Dark: *In Confessional* Man, I sure am gonna miss this place. All the anvil smashes and corny one-liners aside, I’m gonna bring a lot of memories out here with me…. Actually, nah. I’ll probably forget all about this in like, six months. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ (We are shown a coliseum, as Chip and Dark enter, as they are greeted by Aqua and Chwiis) Chwiis: Good afternoon, finalists. Come, follow your ogrelord this way. Dark: Nah, I’m too Max Goof to listen to you. Aqua: Do as he says or get destroyed :) Chip: Fine! Sheesh! (Chip and Dark follow Aqua and Chwiis to the center of the coliseum, where in the audience are all thirteen eliminated contestants, plus a bunch of socks) Aqua: Ladies and gentlemen, hoes and dicks, users and socks alike. Please welcome our two finalists that will be battling it out! First up it’s Dark! (Dark walks out onto the battle as most of the audience cheers for him, except for Toast) Toast: BURN YOU PIECE OF SHIT! *throws boxes of Toaster Strudel at Dark* Dark: But, I thought you loved me, Toasty. :’( Toast: I would only like you if you die! Aqua: Wow, someone sure is sour grapes. Also, please welcome his opponent: Chip! (Chip jogs out onto the battle area while waving to the crowd, only for them to throw bags of piss at him in return) Chip: Wow, rude much? Bat: Ikr! Don’t worry, Chip. You still have my support! Grass: Bat’s twink ass would root for Chip. Bat: r00d! I think Chip is a very nice person, and you guys don’t show enough respect for him! Rocky: Shut up, Bat. Bat: :P RJ: I’m also on Team Chunky! Go Chip! Meta: What the Hell, RJ. Heo: Yeah, RJ. This is why you’ll never be full admin. >.> RJ: Ssshhh. I’m only pretending to root for Chip so he can make me more OC’s! Chip: I heard that! RJ: And only reason I am not admin is because you and Grass never gave me a chance and were bullies to me about it! Grass: True. Heo: Bruh, we didn’t bully you or even tease you. We were just… TESTING you. RJ: Testing me for what? How to be your bitch boi? Chwiis: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH DAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYUUUUUMMM!!!! Heo: Were testing for, um….. Ah screw it. I just love being a dick sometimes. *puts on headphones and jams to Ed Sheeran while eating ice cream* Ultra: Dairy Queen sucks! *pulls out McDonalds bag and milkshake* Now THIS stuff is the bomb! GO: FAST EDDY’S IS BETTER! Ultra: No it’s not! Hey, where did my Mickey D’s bag go!? JRO: *is seen eating it all* Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Fiz: Can we just ban JRO already? Aqua: JBOC! JRO: OH COME ON!!! Grass: You know the rules, JRO. Heo: *bans JRO* Chwiis: Alright fgts, calm down. Let’s not get too carried away. I am gonna explain the challenge. In the middle of the battlefield is a metal stand that holds a pair of steel balls. First person to go up to it, squeeze the balls for three long seconds, wins not only the challenge, but also the season and a million dollars! Chip: That’s it? Chwiis: No, thats not it. Otherwise that would be BORING! You may be wondering why all of our sock accounts are here sitting in the crowd. Well, we payed them to try and stop you two from winning the challenge. Making things way more difficult. Aqua: Get ready. Aaaaannnd GO! GO: WHAT? (The socks then start running towards Chip and Dark, who manage to fight some of them off at first, but numbers are on the other side, as they get pummeled) CRACKERodney: I got my fists set on the Jewish one! QueenAaryn: Same here. Hey, wanna go out? CRACKER: Okay! But we beat up the Jew first! Aaryn: Deal! (They both start jumping Chip) GOsama: Hey, let me get a piece of that action! For Islam! ALULULULULULUULULU! *joins Aaryn and CRACKER* Chip: Ow! OW! Hey, watch it! I’m a human being too you know! (Meanwhile, SPAZ, Yoshi Is Not A Mexican, and GoodOneEllen are beating down on Dark) Yoshi: Take that, you Mexican!... Which I am not btw. SPAZ: YUSH! TAKE DIS TOO UR GRAVE U IMMAGRANT! Dark: Oof! Ow! But I’m too Max Goof to be a real Mexican! GoodOneEllen: Haha! Good one, Dark! *kicks him* (Suddenly, a herd of llamas come onto the field) Shelby The Llama: Violence is bad! We llamas deal with too much discriminations! Right Bawb? Bob: Yep. #Llamas4Life Tim: I say we attack all these other sock accounts to teach them a good lesson! Chico: Agreed, homie! Let’s show these esse’s how it’s REALLY done! Sandy: Like, I’m still a thing. Shelby: BURN IN HELL SHELBY U HOE! (The five llamas then charge at the other socks and an all-out war sparks, with Tim fighting GOsama, Chico fighting SPAZ, Sandy fighting GoodOneEllen, and Bob fighting Yoshi) Grass: *eating popcorn* Rocky: Where did you get that? Grass: Toast is selling them for $4.50 a bag. Heo: Four dollars and fifty cents for a bag of freaking popcorn!? Screw that. *takes out can of instant noodles* (As Heo begins to open up his can of noodles, the same squigga that was shot down the previous episode pops up in front of him) Squigga: SQUIGGA! Heo: Oh, Squigga…… You’re alive, hehe. *panics* Squigga: Yep, I survived the TDRPW Policemen that you ordered to kill me! Now, *gets out shotgun* It’s revenge time, Squigga! *blasts Heo* Heo: *dies* (Meanwhile, Shelby is seen marching towards QueenAaryn, as Aaryn screams for help, when suddenly CRACKER comes in and knocks Shelby out) CRACKER: People always say “never hit a woman” but I’d like to see these dumb feminists say that when I did it to a llama. Aaryn: Oh mah gawd! You saved me from that filthy animal! CRACKER: *blushes* It was nuthin’ really. Hey, let’s get out of here and back to ‘Merica. Aaryn: I agree. (CRACKER then picks up QueenAaryn as the two bigots walk off into the sunset as dramatic romance movie music plays) Aqua: Um, that was weird. Ultra: Forget this, I can’t watch this anymore, I’m joining in! (As Chip begins to recover and crawl towards the steel pair of balls, Ultra walks in front of him, halting him) Ultra: Remember me, bitch? Cus if, you don’t, you will now! *shoves Big Macs down his throat* Bat: Hey! You stop that right now! *latches onto Ultra’s back and starts to choke him from behind* GO: OH HELL NO! BAT YOU TWINKIE I WON’T LET YOU DO THIS! *pulls Bat off of Ultra and starts beating the shit out of him* WE RP NOOOOWWW!!!! Chip: Time to get real dirty *whistles* (Chip’s army of his own sock accounts, some of which include Ben13h and Youreacowardheo, appear into the coliseum) Chip: Socks, attack! (Chip’s socks pummel over Bat, GO, and Ultra and begin to jump Dark) Fiz: Shit Chip is gonna win! Ally: Liek, someone do something! Meta: I would, but Chip is a great guy. So I’ll pass. RJ: Why does Heo love Meta so much again? (The Chip socks then circle around Dark and begin to perform some sort of ceremony) Dark: Not sure what exactly is going on. Chip: Socks, blast him to dust! (The Chip socks all hold hands and a shiny blue light begins to get bigger and bigger) Chip Socks: Kame…...Hame….. HAAAAAA!!!!! *blasts beams at Dark* Toast: OH SHIT! Grass: Some DBZ shit going on here! GOTTI! (The blast then ends and the contestants and socks all gasp as they see Dark still in one piece) Dark: *opens eyes* What the- Papa Goof! :O (Papa Goofy is seen standing in front of Dark, indicating he shielded him from death) Papa Goofy: That’s right, boi! I am here to save the day! Dark: WOOHOO! Chwiis: Probably the five-millionth time I’ve said this, but… Wow, I did Nazi that coming! Papa Goofy: Now, you go over there and squeeze those steel balls, son! Dark: *sheds a tear* Will do, Papa. Rocky: This moment is real sweet and all, but look! Chip is about to win! (Dark and Papa Goofy look over in the distance to see Chip at the balls as he begins to squeeze them) Chwiis: Oh shit he’s about to do it! Dark: He’s too far away, I’ll never catch up in less than three seconds! Chip: *squeezes steel balls* Aqua: ONE!.......... TWO!........ THREE… (Just as Aqua starts to say “three”, a mysterious person comes out of nowhere and knocks out Chip, stopping him from getting the win) Grass: WTF! (That person is revealed to be Ryan from the TD Wiki) Ryan: Just came by to say: Chip, you’re fired from my wiki! And I am banning you for good! So here is my goodbye present to ya! Come on in, guys! (Windindi and Zeebem walk in and bring in the catapult known as the Hurl of Shame towards Ryan) Ryan: *helps Zee and Wind lift Chip onto the catapult* Goodbye, fiend! (Ryan releases the catapult and Chip goes flying for a good ten seconds as everyone pauses and looks on to see where he goes, and he eventually lands inside the same volcano Ally fell into two episodes prior) Chwiis: Don’t worry, he ain’t dead. If continuity shows right, the volcano wouldn’t erupt again so soon after the last time. (The volcano explodes and lava is seen bursting out of it) Dark: Oh shit! I still have a chance! Grass: Come on Dark, go get it! Squeeze dem balls really good! I mean….. Rocky: Yeah… What he said. Dark: ._. Fiz: Just fucking do it already! Dark: K. (Dark walks up to the balls of steel and begins to squeeze them as Chwiis, Aqua, the eliminated contestants, and even the socks, begin the countdown) Everyone: ONE!... TWO!... THREE! (Everyone begins to cheer) Chwiis: He did it! Dark did it! Dark has just won Balls of Steel! Grass: BAH GAWD! Aqua: Hooray! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dark: *In Confessional* See! I told you all I was too Max Goof to lose! But y’all never listen. And now I’m a millionaire! *puts on sunglasses and crosses arms* Now I’m THE man! B) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Aqua, Chwiis, Dark, Papa Goofy and all the eliminated contestants except for JRO, who is banned, are seen stepping onto a boat at the edge of the shore, as Dark is about to receive his prize) Chwiis: Welp, you did it, Dark. *pulls out briefcase and opens it* One million dollars in US cash! Enjoy. *closes it and hands it to Dark* RJ: What should we do about Heo? Fiz: Keep him dead, please. Grass: Fiz, stop. Chwiis, do that shaft thing you do where you bring people back to life. Chwiis: *sighs* Fine. *uses his shaft to revive Heo from the dead* Heo: Huh, what happened? Ally: You died, stupid! Heo: Ally, you’re alive! :D Ally: Um… No I’m not! *jumps out of boat and gets eaten by sharks* Heo: ._. Chwiis: Ouch! That’s gotta hurt! (Suddenly Rocker becomes relevant again and says his first line of the episode) Rocker: Wow, first line I get this whole episode! Everyone else gets to talk but me!? Yep, this is racial discrimination at it’s finest! And you are all a bunch of bigoted, racist, homophobic, misogynist pieces of shit! And I hope you all go choke on a dick and get raped by a demon clown in Hell! Rocky: You’re gonna be competing in season 2… Rocker: Oh…. Then good luck to you all! Rocky: *whispers to Fiz* What he doesn’t know is he is the #FirstBoot… (A helicopter then approaches the area and a bunch of claws come out of it and grab Ultra, Bat, RJ, Rocker, and GO as they pull them into the helicopter) Heo: Woah, what the. Rocky: Yeah, about this, I forgot to mention that Season 2, aka Tits of Gold, is gonna start, like, right now. And all the pre-merge boots are competing. Grass: LMAO! Sucks to be them! Glad I won’t have to deal with them for another 39 days or so. Rocky: Actually, Grass, since Chwiis and Aqua are also gonna be debuting into the game, I need a new host so…. Tag! You’re it! Grass: FUCK! *gets grabbed by claw and pulled into passenger seat of helicopter* Rocky: Anyways, see you all later! *unbans JRO* JRO: Ohai, what’s happening? (Rocky grabs JRO by his shirt and drags JRO with him to the helicopter as it takes off and flies away) Fiz: Thank fuck for that! No more Grass and JRO for six weeks! (The boat then turns on and begins to take off as Chwiis turns over to face the camera) Chwiis: Finally, after 15 episodes and 40 days of this shitty island. It’s time to say goodbye, m8’s! This is Chwiis, saying it’s all ogre now, everybody! (The boat takes off and rides toward the sunset, as the camera cuts to the top of the volcano. Chip’s hand is seen coming out on top, as he slowly pulls himself out and stands. This time he has red dotted eyes and almost all of his skin is burnt off, revealing his body to be made out of metal and wires and that in actuality he is a robot) Chip: *turns around and looks at camera* TROLLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! (The End?)